You know when you fall in love with someone, and I mean really fall in love with someone, like that ass falling off a cliff and tumbling down in to the sharp wonders of oblivion kind of love, you never really fall out of it.  You can deny it, you can lie to yourself, you can convince your heart and mind and every crevice of your body that you don’t anymore, that you hate him or her, and try to blame them for everything, but the truth is, you’ll still be madly in fucking love.  All I’ve ever done is try to sabotage my happiness, because let’s face it, I’m human.  I’m scared.  Just as hard as you’ve worked for that joy that flutters in your stomach, it can quickly fade away.  It can easily get destroyed.  Hate and love is a fine line, a line so thin that you could probably erase it with the butt of a pencil.  So I try to end it because I don’t know how to deal with it.  I put the people who mean the world to me in agonizing pain and put myself in to a pit of hell instead.  

But no more of that shit.  I’m sick of hurting the person I love most and myself.  I fucked up hard, I fucked up really bad, but I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I tried to move on, but the only thing I was doing was puppeting people to get over it instead.  I didn’t deserve another chance, but I got it, and I fought for it.  How can you watch the person you love just walk away?  He’s all I have.  That’s as far as it goes of my personal life, though.  Respect my privacy and don’t ask questions.

In the end, all the people I hurt, I hurt them, and I can’t take it back.  All I’m trying to do is move forward now.  I can’t say I’m sorry for everything because I wasn’t myself, not in my right mind, not in my body, just subconsciously floating out of it.  But that’s over.